Unfortunately for
all involved, experts say that eyewitnesses say that a match was
thrown. The match itself ought not to be blamed for the flames on the posterior of the possum. Nor should the dried leaf that it lit, nor the
branch that caught on fire next, nor the next branch that lit the next
branch that lit the dried grass that lit the three year old Christmas
tree that lit the wicker chair that lit the rest of the majority of
dry, discarded things. No, blame for the flames in the fur of the
fiery fiend can only be placed where most researchers today agree on
placing it: in the fact that the possum was last in leaving his
rapidly warming place of residence. All the other animals survived to
see the sun rise the next morning, albeit from a new hole or nook in a
stump. The possum, however, tarried too long. And, besides, having such
short, stubby legs doesn’t help one maneuver with swift dexterity when
one needs to escape a diabolic inferno.
The possum trudged on, oblivious to the smoke signal of a
coat he happened to be wearing. He escaped, all but unscathed. Experts
and eyewitnesses alike agree that his next choice, though, was a
dreadful one. Even woodland creatures should know better than to put
oneself out, when oneself is aflame, in the neighbor’s orchard of very
dry, very flammable fruit trees. Needless to say, unhappy authorities
apprehended the poor, flame-stricken fellow before yet a second home
was lost to a diabolical blaze.
Written by: Bimothy Boberg – Peripheral Daily News